LAKERS NEED TO DO OR DIE!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  LAKERS ANALYST

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA:

"BLUE" JIMMY:  With a loss to the Sacramento Kings last night (Tues. Dec. 12, 2016), THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS have lost their 7th game in a row!  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  What kind of s**t is that?

"BLUE" JIMMY:  They started the season really well, going over 0.500 at one point and beating some NBA finals contenders like Golden State and Oklahoma City. Now, they're starting to look like last year's LAKERS, losing to pathetic, struggling  teams (Phoenix!) and playing from behind all game long and making average teams look like the Michael Jordan era Bulls.  THE LAKERS have some impressive talent on their roster like: Lou Williams; who can score 30 points off the bench anytime, anyplace, Julius Randle; who can score, is a beast on the backboards and is not intimidated by anyone's big man, Jordan Clarkson; who would be a starter anywhere else in the league and D'Angelo Russell and Brandon Ingram; who could be future All Stars with some experience and maturity ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The key word is maturity, which comes from experience ...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  ... I can already predict what will happen when the trade deadline comes around, NBA contenders are gonna go through THE LAKERS roster like fat guys in the buffet line and offer useless, aging stars and draft picks for all THE LAKERS prime meat and then THE LAKERS will be right back where they started ... it's a vicious cycle!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And when all that good young talent is gone, there's no KOBE to fall back on!!! 

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!

bluejames61@hotmail.com

SPOILER ALERT: LAKERS IN DESPERATION MODE!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  LAKERS ANALYST

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I got good news and bad news!   The good news is THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS have been busy the last couple months.  They fired an ex-LAKER (Scott), hired an ex- LAKER (Walton), got an excellent #2 draftpick (Brandon Ingram) and kept future all-star Jordan Clarkson in their lineup.  The bad news is that they still seem to be in desperation mode.  They held a press conference recently and announced that they would be signing Luol Deng and Timofey Mozgov ...


BLIND DOG OZZY:  Mozgov?  WTF???  Isn't that the guy who Blake Griffin made his b**ch a few years ago?  

TAKE IT ALL MAMA!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Yes and this is the big, bold move THE LAKERS management has been promising the last few horrible seasons?  And they are spending scores of millions of dollars on these mediocre players.  They'd be better off  signing that creepy old guy at your local rec center who wears tight shorts and too much cologne ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  At least he has a jump shot!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Deng might be ok off the bench but THE LAKERS have a history of signing these Eastern European players like Mozgov, who are just absolute s**t :  Vlade Divac;  Slava Medvedenko; Vladimir Radmanovic; Sasha Vujacic -- When was the last time any of these stiffs did a goddamned thing?  I can already predict what's gonna happen next.  THE LAKERS will give piles of money, draftpicks and trade one or more of their young, potential all-stars ( Ingram, Russell, Randle) to get some aging, BIG NAME who will come to THE LAKERS, get injured and be absolutely useless (e.g. Steve Nash). 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  You should've seen that coming!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  If you were the CEO of a major company and your regional manager made these kind of business decisions, they'd be escorted out of the building by security holding a box full of family pictures and silly coffee mugs.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  But this is the stable boy (Kupchak) and the offspring (Jimmy & Jeanie) of Jerry Buss playing around with daddy's money and they have a sense of entitlement which makes them think they can f**k indefinitely with LAKER FANS.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude!!!  THE LAKERS should just keep these young talented players, be patient and build a team that excites NBA fans again instead of trying to win an instant championship.  The missing ingredient:  GET A  BIG, DOMINATING CENTER!!!  I don't care what other teams like Golden State are doing (building teams around small, jump-shooting guards) and basically, just trying to outshoot their opponents.  Note to Golden State:  How's that working out for ya?  THE LAKERS have never ever won a championship without a scary, big man in the middle:  George Mikan; Wilt Chamberlain; Kareem Abdul Jabbar; Shaquille O' Neal and Pau Gasol.  It is a LAKER tradition ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Respect Tradition, A**holes!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com

YOU AIN'T GONNA MISS YOUR WATER 'TIL THE WELL RUNS DRY: THE INCREDIBLE KOBE BRYANT PART II

"BLUE" JIMMY:  LAKERS ANALYST 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  This was it.  Kobe Bryant walks off the court after 20 seasons with THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS.  It was glorious:  Bathed in sweat; hands raised; smile on his face; crowd standing and going absolutely, apes**t ...  I laughed, I cried, I spilled my beer!  THE LAKERS finished the season with one of the worst records in the league but by the reaction of the crowd, you would have thought they had won THE NBA FINALS, THE WORLD SERIES and  THE SUPERBOWL all in one night!  And who could blame them?  They just witnessed the end of a  two-decade run of one of the GREATEST ATHLETES OF ALL TIME!  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And he didn't go out like a tired old f**k, either! 

"BLUE" JIMMY:  He could have just sat out the final quarter, waved to the crowd at the end of the game with his shoulder wrapped in ice packs and said his final goodbye after scoring 5 or 6 points in a losing cause and the crowd would have still showed their appreciation ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:   But no!  The mother*****r has to score 60 points and make the game-winning shot!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Kobe will always be known as the ultimate competitor.  I imagine he has a s**t fit and kicks over the dining room table if his little daughters beat him in Connect Four.  I remember his first season when he shot three airballs in-a-row in the playoffs and I thought, "Get rid of this skinny, afro-wearing, high school boy and get somebody good!" He never put his head down, put in the hard work and practice and transformed himself into a monster!   I never imagined that 20 years later, The Los Angeles Lakers would be 5 championships richer, I would watch a man score 81 points in one game, watch someone surpass Michael Jordan in all-time points, and see him score 60 points to win a game on his retirement night -- not bad for a Philly kid who got traded for a half-assed, washed-up Laker center (Vlade Divac) and got benched his first three seasons!  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Sometimes the stew takes time to cook jus' right!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Kobe Bryant helped make L.A. sports great again at a time when The Dodgers were (are) going through a long dry spell, the Rams had moved to bum f**k Egypt, the Kings were just starting to build into contenders and the Clippers ... well, are just the pathetic joke of a team they are!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  F**k the Clippers!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Of course, Kobe Bryant was always compared to the great Micheal Jordan and pundits and Kobe haters will always point to the fact that Kobe won 5 championships while Jordan won 6, making Jordan the superior player.  I won't even get into that debate but I will point out that the Chicago Bulls always surrounded Jordan with a solid, though not superstar, team his entire career.  The Lakers on the other hand, wasted years of Kobe's career surrounding him with absolute basketball trash like Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, Vladimir Radmanovic and others who wouldn't even get chosen at a rec center pickup game.  Who knows how many championships Kobe could have won if Lakers management had not taken him for granted and complacently profited from the fact that games were still selling out during all those non-championship years.  It wasn't until he threatened to leave as a free agent (and maybe even join the Clippers!) that Jerry Buss calmed him down and acquired Pao Gasol and a few others who made The Lakers great again, going to the NBA finals three years in a row and winning two more championships in the post-Shaq years.  Yes, this is my personal conspiracy theory and I'm smugly, enjoying the s**t out of it!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Why not?

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Unlike former Laker Shaquille O' Neal, a total basketball whore who played for any team who offered him money including the Boston Celtics ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Blasphemy!!! ...

"BLUE" JIMMY: ... Kobe was a lifetime Laker like Jerry West and Magic Johnson before him who spent 20 years in Los Angeles and never bailed in the worst of times even though he could have gone to any team he wanted.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Preach, brother!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Because of Kobe and The Lakers, I always had something to look forward to on any given day:  Had a fight with my a**hole supervisor at work -- screw it! -- I could always come home and have a beer and scream at Kobe and The Lakers on the TV ...

BLIND DOG OZZY: ... "That was no foul! ... Shoot the ball! ... Call timeout dammit!"

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I took the losses hard and the wins even harder.  Yes, I put one of those little Laker flags on my car window when they would win a championship but even in their losing years, I watched every game, plastered my office wall at work with Lakers memorabilia and wore The Lakers Purple and Gold t-shirt proudly anywhere, even in rival cities.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And even sat through this season ... s**t!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  "What does it all matter?"  You might ask.  "It's just a game and Kobe is just another millionaire pro athlete!"  Being a fitness trainer by trade, I recognize physical and mental excellence immediately.  So many people I attempt to train will quit on the first day and give a s**tload of excuses:  "It's painful; I'm tired from work; I don't have time ... waaa, waaa waaa!!! ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  My p***y hurts!!! ...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  If more people would have Kobe's drive, work ethic, physical and mental toughness and commitment to rise above mediocrity, we wouldn't have to rely on politicians to make our country great again ... WE would make our country great again!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Calm down, f**ker!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  But the lowdown is, basketball is a spectator sport and the reason all these players live in mansions, drive dream cars and live in emperor luxury, is because they entertain us and make life interesting.  And we need people like that to remind us every day that there's more to life than going to work and paying bills.  Kobe Bryant, with all the tears and triumphs and incredible Laker-style drama, you made life very interesting and you got your success the old-fashioned way ... you earned it.  You made my life richer and for that I want to say Thank You, and one more thing ... 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  GO LAKERS!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  "Sake's Alive!"

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com                         

YOU AIN'T GONNA MISS YOUR WATER 'TIL THE WELL RUNS DRY: THE INCREDIBLE KOBE BRYANT

"BLUE" JIMMY:  KOBE FAN

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Last night against the New Orleans Pelicans (Thurs. Feb. 4, 2016) Kobe Bryant had 27 points, 12 rebounds 2 assists and 2 steals.  The other night against the Minnesota Timberwolves (Tues. Feb. 2, 2016), he dropped 38 points, 5 rebounds 5 assists and 2 steals.  Not bad for an "old man" whom sportswriters said should retire even before the season started.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Kiss my ass, Stephen A. Smith!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  He might not do it every night anymore and on some nights, he has to rest his battered body (20 NBA seasons, all with The Lakers) but it's enough to make me want to rush home and catch the opening tip every time he plays.  Because after this season, that's all folks!  No more rim-bending dunks, no more impossible shots from behind the backboard, no more behind-the-back assists, no more incredible steals and blocked shots at the most crucial moments of a playoff game and no more shots at the buzzer with multiple players guarding (and fouling) him to win the BIG GAME.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And no more 81 point games from any MF!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  People with brain-damage and poor memory think that when Kobe retires, The Lakers will get a high draft pick, acquire some free agent stiff like Kevin Durant, Rajon Rondo or DeMar DeRozan and there will suddenly be Laker Championship parades in Downtown L.A. again.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Yeah, that's not gonna happen!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Let me give you a random, partial list of Kobe's contemporaries  who were supposed to be the NEXT KOBE BRYANT:  Tracy McGrady; Dwayne Wade; Baron Davis; Michael Redd; Gilbert Arenas; Derrick Rose; Kevin Durant ... Some faded into obscurity, one won a few championships and a couple might have a future but they never quite reached Mount Olympus where players like Kobe reside.  The lowdown is, there is no one in the NBA, including LeBron James and Stephen Curry, who could ever create the same excitement in the game as Kobe.  And when he retires, there will be a huge void to fill not only in The Lakers organization, but in L.A. sports in general.  A good analogy would be when Oscar De La Hoya retired from boxing.  How many pay-per-view fights have you ordered since the Golden Boy left the sport?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Everyone would rather watch the UFC!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  So quit complaining about how many shots Kobe takes or how many turnovers he has per game.  Watch The Black Mamba in action while you can because you don't know when, or even if, you'll ever see another athlete like him.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Go Lakers!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com

LAKERS ARE ON A WIN STREAK!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  LAKERS ANALYST

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

KOBE CHEERED IN HIS FINAL GAME IN BOSTON

"BLUE" JIMMY:   It's been a busy holiday season for The Lakers!  They had a few more bad losses but around New Year's time, they beat the Philadelphia 76ers, the Phoenix Suns and the BOSTON CELTICS in Boston !!!  All in-a-row!  I never seen the current Laker lineup having so much fun and playing with purpose!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  That was MY Christmas present!!!  I never thought I'd live to see the day when Kobe Bryant got cheered in Boston !!!  That's the gift that keeps on giving!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  So now is the time in Lakers season that I give this speech:

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Here it comes!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  There is a faction within Lakers fandom that feels since The Lakers are not going to the playoffs or winning a championship this year, they should be losing (tanking) games intentionally so that they can get a good draft pick next year.  Without resorting to insults, let me tell you how they are wrong:  What good is it to keep getting high draft picks, acquire free agents or make trades if you're going to put them on a dysfunctional team of misfits who can't even get it together?  The plan should be to create a well-oiled machine that enjoys playing together, can win their share of games and give the Laker fans a  good show so that when Kobe retires and the team is ready to rebuild, they already have a solid foundation.  That's how you do it!  Why don't I have the General Manager position for The Lakers and a nice suite at Staples Center to watch the games?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Because you would get yourself fired by taking a dump in the Clippers locker room and drawing panties on Blake Griffin's poster!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake' Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com