"BLUE" JIMMY: LAKERS ANALYST
BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA
"BLUE" JIMMY: This was it. Kobe Bryant walks off the court after 20 seasons with THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS. It was glorious: Bathed in sweat; hands raised; smile on his face; crowd standing and going absolutely, apes**t ... I laughed, I cried, I spilled my beer! THE LAKERS finished the season with one of the worst records in the league but by the reaction of the crowd, you would have thought they had won THE NBA FINALS, THE WORLD SERIES and THE SUPERBOWL all in one night! And who could blame them? They just witnessed the end of a two-decade run of one of the GREATEST ATHLETES OF ALL TIME!
BLIND DOG OZZY: And he didn't go out like a tired old f**k, either!
"BLUE" JIMMY: He could have just sat out the final quarter, waved to the crowd at the end of the game with his shoulder wrapped in ice packs and said his final goodbye after scoring 5 or 6 points in a losing cause and the crowd would have still showed their appreciation ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: But no! The mother*****r has to score 60 points and make the game-winning shot!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Kobe will always be known as the ultimate competitor. I imagine he has a s**t fit and kicks over the dining room table if his little daughters beat him in Connect Four. I remember his first season when he shot three airballs in-a-row in the playoffs and I thought, "Get rid of this skinny, afro-wearing, high school boy and get somebody good!" He never put his head down, put in the hard work and practice and transformed himself into a monster! I never imagined that 20 years later, The Los Angeles Lakers would be 5 championships richer, I would watch a man score 81 points in one game, watch someone surpass Michael Jordan in all-time points, and see him score 60 points to win a game on his retirement night -- not bad for a Philly kid who got traded for a half-assed, washed-up Laker center (Vlade Divac) and got benched his first three seasons!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Sometimes the stew takes time to cook jus' right!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Kobe Bryant helped make L.A. sports great again at a time when The Dodgers were (are) going through a long dry spell, the Rams had moved to bum f**k Egypt, the Kings were just starting to build into contenders and the Clippers ... well, are just the pathetic joke of a team they are!
BLIND DOG OZZY: F**k the Clippers!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Of course, Kobe Bryant was always compared to the great Micheal Jordan and pundits and Kobe haters will always point to the fact that Kobe won 5 championships while Jordan won 6, making Jordan the superior player. I won't even get into that debate but I will point out that the Chicago Bulls always surrounded Jordan with a solid, though not superstar, team his entire career. The Lakers on the other hand, wasted years of Kobe's career surrounding him with absolute basketball trash like Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, Vladimir Radmanovic and others who wouldn't even get chosen at a rec center pickup game. Who knows how many championships Kobe could have won if Lakers management had not taken him for granted and complacently profited from the fact that games were still selling out during all those non-championship years. It wasn't until he threatened to leave as a free agent (and maybe even join the Clippers!) that Jerry Buss calmed him down and acquired Pao Gasol and a few others who made The Lakers great again, going to the NBA finals three years in a row and winning two more championships in the post-Shaq years. Yes, this is my personal conspiracy theory and I'm smugly, enjoying the s**t out of it!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Why not?
"BLUE" JIMMY: Unlike former Laker Shaquille O' Neal, a total basketball whore who played for any team who offered him money including the Boston Celtics ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: Blasphemy!!! ...
"BLUE" JIMMY: ... Kobe was a lifetime Laker like Jerry West and Magic Johnson before him who spent 20 years in Los Angeles and never bailed in the worst of times even though he could have gone to any team he wanted.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Preach, brother!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Because of Kobe and The Lakers, I always had something to look forward to on any given day: Had a fight with my a**hole supervisor at work -- screw it! -- I could always come home and have a beer and scream at Kobe and The Lakers on the TV ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... "That was no foul! ... Shoot the ball! ... Call timeout dammit!"
"BLUE" JIMMY: I took the losses hard and the wins even harder. Yes, I put one of those little Laker flags on my car window when they would win a championship but even in their losing years, I watched every game, plastered my office wall at work with Lakers memorabilia and wore The Lakers Purple and Gold t-shirt proudly anywhere, even in rival cities.
BLIND DOG OZZY: And even sat through this season ... s**t!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: "What does it all matter?" You might ask. "It's just a game and Kobe is just another millionaire pro athlete!" Being a fitness trainer by trade, I recognize physical and mental excellence immediately. So many people I attempt to train will quit on the first day and give a s**tload of excuses: "It's painful; I'm tired from work; I don't have time ... waaa, waaa waaa!!! ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: My p***y hurts!!! ...
"BLUE" JIMMY: If more people would have Kobe's drive, work ethic, physical and mental toughness and commitment to rise above mediocrity, we wouldn't have to rely on politicians to make our country great again ... WE would make our country great again!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Calm down, f**ker!
"BLUE" JIMMY: But the lowdown is, basketball is a spectator sport and the reason all these players live in mansions, drive dream cars and live in emperor luxury, is because they entertain us and make life interesting. And we need people like that to remind us every day that there's more to life than going to work and paying bills. Kobe Bryant, with all the tears and triumphs and incredible Laker-style drama, you made life very interesting and you got your success the old-fashioned way ... you earned it. You made my life richer and for that I want to say Thank You, and one more thing ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: GO LAKERS!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: "Sake's Alive!"
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
BLIND DOG OZZY: And he didn't go out like a tired old f**k, either!
"BLUE" JIMMY: He could have just sat out the final quarter, waved to the crowd at the end of the game with his shoulder wrapped in ice packs and said his final goodbye after scoring 5 or 6 points in a losing cause and the crowd would have still showed their appreciation ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: But no! The mother*****r has to score 60 points and make the game-winning shot!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Kobe will always be known as the ultimate competitor. I imagine he has a s**t fit and kicks over the dining room table if his little daughters beat him in Connect Four. I remember his first season when he shot three airballs in-a-row in the playoffs and I thought, "Get rid of this skinny, afro-wearing, high school boy and get somebody good!" He never put his head down, put in the hard work and practice and transformed himself into a monster! I never imagined that 20 years later, The Los Angeles Lakers would be 5 championships richer, I would watch a man score 81 points in one game, watch someone surpass Michael Jordan in all-time points, and see him score 60 points to win a game on his retirement night -- not bad for a Philly kid who got traded for a half-assed, washed-up Laker center (Vlade Divac) and got benched his first three seasons!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Sometimes the stew takes time to cook jus' right!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Kobe Bryant helped make L.A. sports great again at a time when The Dodgers were (are) going through a long dry spell, the Rams had moved to bum f**k Egypt, the Kings were just starting to build into contenders and the Clippers ... well, are just the pathetic joke of a team they are!
BLIND DOG OZZY: F**k the Clippers!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Of course, Kobe Bryant was always compared to the great Micheal Jordan and pundits and Kobe haters will always point to the fact that Kobe won 5 championships while Jordan won 6, making Jordan the superior player. I won't even get into that debate but I will point out that the Chicago Bulls always surrounded Jordan with a solid, though not superstar, team his entire career. The Lakers on the other hand, wasted years of Kobe's career surrounding him with absolute basketball trash like Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, Vladimir Radmanovic and others who wouldn't even get chosen at a rec center pickup game. Who knows how many championships Kobe could have won if Lakers management had not taken him for granted and complacently profited from the fact that games were still selling out during all those non-championship years. It wasn't until he threatened to leave as a free agent (and maybe even join the Clippers!) that Jerry Buss calmed him down and acquired Pao Gasol and a few others who made The Lakers great again, going to the NBA finals three years in a row and winning two more championships in the post-Shaq years. Yes, this is my personal conspiracy theory and I'm smugly, enjoying the s**t out of it!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Why not?
"BLUE" JIMMY: Unlike former Laker Shaquille O' Neal, a total basketball whore who played for any team who offered him money including the Boston Celtics ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: Blasphemy!!! ...
"BLUE" JIMMY: ... Kobe was a lifetime Laker like Jerry West and Magic Johnson before him who spent 20 years in Los Angeles and never bailed in the worst of times even though he could have gone to any team he wanted.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Preach, brother!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Because of Kobe and The Lakers, I always had something to look forward to on any given day: Had a fight with my a**hole supervisor at work -- screw it! -- I could always come home and have a beer and scream at Kobe and The Lakers on the TV ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... "That was no foul! ... Shoot the ball! ... Call timeout dammit!"
"BLUE" JIMMY: I took the losses hard and the wins even harder. Yes, I put one of those little Laker flags on my car window when they would win a championship but even in their losing years, I watched every game, plastered my office wall at work with Lakers memorabilia and wore The Lakers Purple and Gold t-shirt proudly anywhere, even in rival cities.
BLIND DOG OZZY: And even sat through this season ... s**t!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: "What does it all matter?" You might ask. "It's just a game and Kobe is just another millionaire pro athlete!" Being a fitness trainer by trade, I recognize physical and mental excellence immediately. So many people I attempt to train will quit on the first day and give a s**tload of excuses: "It's painful; I'm tired from work; I don't have time ... waaa, waaa waaa!!! ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: My p***y hurts!!! ...
"BLUE" JIMMY: If more people would have Kobe's drive, work ethic, physical and mental toughness and commitment to rise above mediocrity, we wouldn't have to rely on politicians to make our country great again ... WE would make our country great again!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Calm down, f**ker!
"BLUE" JIMMY: But the lowdown is, basketball is a spectator sport and the reason all these players live in mansions, drive dream cars and live in emperor luxury, is because they entertain us and make life interesting. And we need people like that to remind us every day that there's more to life than going to work and paying bills. Kobe Bryant, with all the tears and triumphs and incredible Laker-style drama, you made life very interesting and you got your success the old-fashioned way ... you earned it. You made my life richer and for that I want to say Thank You, and one more thing ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: GO LAKERS!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: "Sake's Alive!"
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
